Everyday Diva

Though you might not know it from the content on this site, I have a business.

And today is my 10th anniversary of being in business for myself!  Yay!!

How did that happen?

It happened on November 30th, 2000.  I was on my way to my church job when I got the phone call, “We’re closing our Pacific Northwest branch and no longer require your services.”  I can’t recall exactly what was said but that was the gist of it.  It wasn’t a complete surprise.  That afternoon I’d heard from someone who had a contact in one of the company’s Canadian branches, one in an earlier time zone. That branch had closed too.

And honestly, we’d been doing a whole lot of nothing for awhile.  There were only two of us in the office, me and a sales guy.  I’d been supporting local clients but there hadn’t been any new sales.  “OK”, I said. “Thanks for letting me know.”   The next few days were peppered with phone calls with my former employer to work out the details of our separation. The severance package wasn’t great. They asked me if I wanted to work for them as an independent contractor but their non-compete clause was too restrictive.  I decided that didn’t serve me or my clients so I turned it down.  And it was over.  End of relationship with my former employer.

I was about to start a large project with one of my clients, one I really wanted to do.  The day after I got the news, I called everyone I’d been working with, told them what happened, and offered to either put them in touch with another company that could support them or work directly with them as an independent consultant.  Every single one of them chose to work with me directly.  I was thrilled!  And humbled.

At the time, I had no idea how it was gonna go.   I answered the phone when it rang, did the work I was asked to do, and cared for my clients.  My business plan consisted entirely of the phrase, “Show up and serve.”  (Still does.)  Eventually I got an accountant and formed a corporation.  My daily experience of my work didn’t change much but my attitude toward my work and my clients did. What happened?  I stepped up.  Determined to give them a much higher level of service than they’d had before, I became fiercely protective.   Turned out, working for their best interests was in my best interest.

Fast forward 10 years and here I am….

Ten of the fifteen clients in my original Rolodex have gone out of business or been folded into larger corporations with their own systems and their own IT departments.  Meanwhile the developer of the product I support has gotten into the direct support business, threatening my revenue stream even more.  In spite of that, it’s been great.  I’ve been successful well beyond anything I could have imagined back on December 1st, 2000, when I nervously picked up the phone to break the news and make my offer. Along the way I learned a lot.  About myself.  About my relationships and who I am in each of them.   About money and how I deal with it.  About being in business as a solopreneur.  I stopped wearing Jones New York and started wearing jeans.   I stopped being a representative of an organization and started being me.  I get to live my values of freedom, power, fun, and abundance every day.

And I’m so thankful….

Thankful for my clients who took a risk on me.  Those wonderful people have bought my groceries and paid my mortgage for the last 10 years.

Thankful for the Universal nudge that forced me to step into what I always wanted for myself.   The person I was then wouldn’t have done it on her own.

Thankful for every single lesson learned along the way.  I am stronger for it.

Today I celebrate my business and my clients and the road we’ve traveled together.

Here’s to the road ahead!

Welcome to my third published very personal ad.  I don’t think doing something three times qualifies as a practice yet.  But the thing about a practice is that you keep doing it. Right?

When we last left our hero….

Last time I asked for baby-steps on a project I was stuck on. And I’m not sure if that happened or not. When I wrote that, I had one thing in mind and that thing totally didn’t happen. What did happen was a whole bunch of progress on a related thing where I gained some knowledge that I can use on the original thing. So, maybe.

I also asked to get synced up with some new habits I’m practicing. Not happening yet.

And finally I wanted an introduction to the Maintenance Department. Sad to say, I don’t even know where their office is. This topic showed up in my journal last week. More than once. OK, a lot. Lots of acknowledgment, not much shifting.  Not ready for this to shift yet. Obviously.

Thing 1: Peek-a-boo, I see you!

I notice a puzzling pattern around money that involves having no problem spending buttloads of money impulsively but being unable to consciously choose to spend even smaller amounts of money on things I need or want – like a computer monitor or an office chair.  I even had trouble spending money that we saved in the Truck Replacement Fund on a truck. But I have no problem dropping a couple thousand dollars on an afternoon of clothes shopping when I’m just out walking around and hadn’t planned to be shopping at all.  Of course, this is old news.  And it’s making life stressful right now because there are things I need to buy and I can’t bring myself to do it.  I’d like to discover some clues about this.

Ways this could work:

I could do Shiva Nata with the intention of finding out something about it. And afterward I could ask Slightly Future Me what she knows about it that I don’t know yet.

I could wrap a rubber band around my wallet to remind me to be conscious when I buy stuff.

I could go off someplace alone for fifteen minutes to do some navel-gazing about this.

My commitment:

To stay in the process.

To meet myself where I am on this (stuck in the looping pattern) and be kind to myself when I can’t.

To be willing to be surprised.

Thing 2: Come out, come out wherever you are.

These baby steps I’ve been taking are all about going public with a Thing, about allowing myself to be visible while still feeling safe. I want to continue with the coming out of hiding in a way that isn’t too scary and doesn’t send me scurrying for the nearest dark hole.

Ways this could work:

I could tell people about my blog makeover on Twitter. Maybe just the Pomegranates.

I could ask someone to test my brand spanking new RSS feed and email feed buttons so I don’t have to worry that they’re broken.

I could spend an hour with my Inner Visionary thinking about topics for blog posts or I could use my mastermind time for that.

My commitment:

To remember to ask myself what I need in order to feel safe and supported and try to give myself that.

Thing 3: The great un-doing.

So there are a number of things I have done recently that need to be undone, mostly involving stuff I bought that isn’t doing the job I’d hoped it would and now needs to be returned for replacement or credit. This isn’t hard; it’s just annoying. And in some cases I need to call the places I bought from to find out about their return processes. This is why I hate shopping (when I’m not loving shopping. Actually, I love shopping when I’m in the moment and hate it when I end up with stuff that needs to be returned.). All of these items were bought online and need to be shipped back. Which means I’ll probably need to visit the post office. During the Christmas season. And wait in line. Yuck! But the stuff sitting around here isn’t doing me any good and the still sitting here energy is driving me bats.  I want to do some un-doing.

Ways this could work:

I could come up with a super awesome game to make it fun.

I could just give up a whole day to this and get it over with. This sounds like job for Work Party!

I don’t know.

My commitment:

To notice my stuff when it comes up while I’m doing this.

To celebrate when these items have been released and returned.

Thing 4: Year end cheer!

Guess what? It’s nearly December already. December! And of course I haven’t kept up on my bookkeeping during the year because that’s maintenance and we all know how I feel about that. So my plan is to get the year end accounting and bookkeeping stuff done early this year and I’d like to make significant progress on the year end bookkeeping this week.

Ways this could work:

I could light the productivity candle and invoke Rally (rally!).

I could wear my bookkeeping hat.

I could make an appointment with my accountant for mid-January to give myself a hard deadline.

I could devote a manageable amount of time to this project every day.

My commitment:

No shame, no blame. The world doesn’t end because I haven’t categorized the entries in my checkbook….

To notice my stuff about maintenance when it comes up.

Whew! That’s all for today.

Before I go I just want to be clear that I shamelessly stole this helpful and non-sucky process from Havi.  Thank you, dear!

And while I’m at it, some requests about comments, just in case anyone reads this and feels inspired to leave one…….

Please share your thoughts about asking and receiving, what’s playing on your iPod right now, or lists of my positive qualities. (Fishing for compliments?  Yes!)

I’d rather not have advice (especially about marketing or channeling the wealth of the universe, etc…).

Welcome to my second published very personal ad.  I don’t think doing something twice qualifies as a practice yet.  But the thing about a practice is that you keep doing it.

When we last left our hero…

I asked to be present and stay engaged with the process of getting to know my new Thing.  Totally got that, though I didn’t do so well at remembering that relationships do not progress linearly.

I asked for a resolution to the issue of my non-paying client and, well…. kinda.  I got promise to send a check this week, but I don’t feel like I got anywhere with how to handle it when it happens again.  In fact, I’m pretty sure it’ll happen again. Meh.

I asked for greater ease around money.  That happened, too.  I landed a sizable contract for the next few months so no more anxiousness.  Yay!

Thing 1: Inching forward

Here’s what I want: To pass GO, even if I don’t collect the $200

My Thing and I are getting to know each other. I don’t yet know everything about it but I know enough to trigger fear and resistance.  Especially since what there is for me to do now is to have another go at something I’ve been trying to do for years that already has a pretty dismal track record.  No prior experience of being successful here.

I want to get started – again.

Ways this could work:

I could pick one teeny tiny super simple step and do that.

I could brainstorm with magic markers.

I set aside a day to work on this and invoke Rally!.

My commitment:

To let go of perfect and embrace the good enough.

To remember that this time is not all those other times.  This time is different.

Thing 2: Synchronicity

Here’s what I want:

There are a number of areas of my life where I’m trying to create some new habits for myself.  So far, it’s been like pulling teeth.  I do okay for a bit and then it goes to hell.  Frustrating.  I’d love it if some of these would click for me this week.

Ways this could work:

I could wake up tomorrow and find myself in sync with my new routines.

I don’t know.

My commitment:

To be patient.

Thing 3: An introduction to the Maintenance Department

Here’s what I want:

I’ve discovered a pattern of avoiding maintenance or anything that looks or smells like maintenance.  This isn’t working so well.  I’d like some information about what’s up with this.

Ways this could work:

Two words: Shiva Nata.

I could journal about it.

My commitment:

To be open to whatever shows up.

Whew! That’s all for today.

Before I go I just want to be clear that I shamelessly stole this helpful and non-sucky process from Havi.  Thank you, dear!

And while I’m at it, some requests about comments, just in case anyone reads this and feels inspired to leave one…….

Please share your thoughts about asking and receiving, what’s playing on your iPod right now, or lists of my positive qualities. (Fishing for compliments?  Yes!)

I’d rather not have advice (especially about marketing or channeling the wealth of the universe, etc…).